Restaurant Battle Tales

I’m going to use this blog post as a battle journal for my nine years in food service. (Tony Roma’s, On the Border, Chili’s.) Big ups to those of you still slangin’ gravy and ribs, fajitas and potato skins.

Things I’ve seen/heard firsthand:

  • Bartenders not washing fruit before slicing them for drink garnishes, lemons especially. There was a study that found monkey feces on lemon rinds in the US.

  • A server cut themselves on broken glass and dripped blood into the ice bin. They scooped out the ice they could see had blood on it and still served the rest of the ice to guests.

  • Customer: “Do you have any crayons?” 
  • Me: “Sorry, ma’am. Unfortunately, we are all out and our shipment doesn’t come in until Tuesday.”
  • Customer: “Well what is my child supposed to color with?! Her blood?”

  • Customer: “Can I get a quesadilla with guacamole, but no sour cream? I’m lactose intolerant.”
  • Me: “You do realize that a quesadilla is just cheese in a flour tortilla, right?”
  • Customer: “I do. You should pray you never have to live in a world where you can not eat cheese without incurring the wrath of your own bowels.”

  • Customer: “Can we come in to drink margaritas but bring our own food? Will you heat it up for us? It’s macaroni and cheese. Do you know how to mix it up?

    • Customer: “Are you 18? Cause if you are, I’d like to ask you out. If you aren’t, then I hope my P.O. doesn’t find out.” (laughs manically to himself) 

      • Fellow Server: “Our steaks are really good. Like Del Frisco’s, or Sizzler.” 

        • BOH (Back of the House) Manager: “I don’t care if you dropped the ribs in bleach. That’s what water’s for.”